We’ve all been there—desperately reaching out to strangers, hoping that one of them will be kind enough to vouch for us and help us land that perfect job. But let’s face it: It’s not working. Seriously, think about it for a second. Would you trust for someone you’ve never met before?
Probably not.
And that’s okay! Because here’s the reality: when you ask someone to refer you without building a relationship first, you’re asking them to put their reputation on the line for someone they don’t know. That’s a big ask, and it’s likely going to fall flat.
So, what does work when it comes to getting referrals that actually land you a job? Let’s break it down.
1. Tap Into Your Existing Network
Forget cold emailing strangers or randomly reaching out to people you’ve never interacted with. Start with the people who already know you and your work ethic—your existing network. Think former colleagues, classmates, or even that barista at your local coffee shop who remembers your complicated order. You’d be surprised how many connections they might have!
Your network doesn’t have to be huge; it just has to be meaningful. Those people already know you as a person and what you bring to the table. They’re the ones most likely to help you, so start there.
2. Nurture Your Connections
It’s tempting to only reach out to people when you need something, but here’s the thing: that’s not how relationships work. You need to engage with your connections long before you ask for anything. Like and comment on their posts, share helpful insights, or offer to help them in ways that you can.
Relationships are a two-way street, and if you’ve shown you care about the people in your network, they’ll be much more willing to help you when the time comes.
3. Provide Value FIRST
Before you ask for a favour, give something valuable first. Whether it’s sharing an article that might interest them, offering helpful feedback, or connecting people in your network who might benefit from each other, providing value builds goodwill. People are far more likely to reciprocate when they see that you’ve already put in the effort to help them.
It’s about building trust and showing that you’re not just taking, but also giving.
4. Be Specific in Your Ask
When you do reach out to ask for a referral, don’t make it a unclear request. Be specific about what you’re looking for. Mention the role you’re applying for, the company you’re interested in, and why you’re a great fit. Make it easy for them to say yes by clearly outlining how they can help you.
5. The Warm Intro is Your Secret Weapon
Instead of directly asking someone for a referral, try asking for a warm introduction. This is a lower-pressure ask, and it’s often much more effective. Ask if they’d be willing to introduce you to someone in their network who works at the company you’re interested in.
A warm introduction gives you credibility because it’s coming from someone the person already knows and trusts. Plus, it opens the door to a more meaningful conversation than a cold outreach ever could.
6. Quality Over Quantity
Let’s say it again: Quality over quantity. One strong referral from someone who genuinely believes in you is worth more than a hundred from strangers who barely know your name.
Stop chasing empty leads and focus on building relationships that matter. Your real network is right there, waiting to support you—so tap into it!
By nurturing connections, offering value, and being specific with your asks, you’ll build the kind of network that not only refers you, but actively champions you in your career. So, stop asking strangers to trust you and start building meaningful, mutually beneficial relationships instead.
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